I’m exactly the mom I said I never wanted to be

As I was getting myself and the kids ready for school today I realized that I am exactly the type of mom I always said I would never be.

I’ll be honest. I judged all moms before I became one.  I’ve had a lot of moms to look up to, and unfortunately judge.  Whether they be family, friends, or co-workers.. in the back of my mind, I took note of the little things they did, that I thought were something I wouldn’t do when I became a mom.

I remember talking to one of my sisters on the phone.  I was trying to speak with her about something. I can’t remember the details anymore, but I remember her kid was crying in the phone.  She kept moving her mouth away from the phone to either shush the crying baby, or say something, and sometimes yell, at her other child.

I also remember thinking… “I am NOT going to do that when I become a mom”.   I was a naive teenager and thought it was so annoying that my sister would call me, then spend most of the time on the phone dealing with her kids.

Now, 15 years later… I AM that mom.

I can’t even be on a phone for 30 seconds before my kids gang up on each other and World War III is on the verge, one needs medical attention, or the other needs their diaper changed due to a massive blowout.

I always thought that I would be the type of mom who didn’t yell at her kids, house was always clean, definitely didn’t stay up late cleaning the house, ate healthy whole meals, kids were always on time to school, children sat neatly in our row at church, and I didn’t bring my kids out in public in their pajamas because of “said on-time” aspect…  (I do however manage to shower every day, but that’s because I can’t fully wake up until I shower each day, and I tend to neglect my kids and let them watch TV for at least a little while each day. LOL!)

Okay, truth be told, I probably let them watch too much TV throughout the day, and I don’t always feed them the best and most healthy meals.  Dinner may not always served at the table, but my kids are happy, and we are growing, and learning together. Sometimes those lessons are quick and easy, others are hard, very hard, and my heart aches as a mom.

So today when I walked out the door in a baseball cap and leggings, 10 minutes behind schedule, and 1 kid still in jammies, I realized I AM exactly the mom I never wanted to be, and always said I would never be.   But, I am so happy that I am NOT the mom who I thought I would be.  My expectations of motherhood were unrealistic.  I judged other moms, including my family members, because I didn’t understand. I didn’t know what motherhood was all about.

I didn’t know that moms stay up to all hours of the night to clean to the house, because it’s the only time that the kids won’t destroy the freshly folded basket of clothing, or make a mess the second after they wake up.  I didn’t know that after moms finally go to bed that they wake up in the middle of the night to take care of a crying child who doesn’t feel well, fell out of the bed, or who just had a bad dream. I didn’t realize that the reason we were never on time places, was because mom was exhausted.  I didn’t know that the reason the house was never clean was because of ME as a kid. That while my mom was trying to make dinner, or even go to the bathroom alone for goodness sake, I was in the other room making a bigger mess.

Now that I am a mom, I’m exactly the mom I never wanted to be, but I am exactly the mom I was meant to be.  Heavenly Father has an interesting way of teaching us things in life. I’m so glad that my perspective has changed, and what a humbling experience it has been so far. I love my boys. They are the world to me, even while they make disasters on the living room floor or their bedroom, I love them.   I’m not a perfect mom whatsoever, I make my fair share of mistakes, my life is chaotic, and crazy.  But….  it’s MINE and I am so grateful for that!

-Lizzie

10 commandments of parenting

I’ve been working on this blog post since January! I finally finished it!  I’m sure some parents would have a different list then this, but whatever your commandments of parenting are, there are a few basic that will help on this awesome journey of parenthood.

10.  Thou shalt not let your child fall asleep after 4 pm.  Break this commandment, and your kid will be up all night long.  Literally. Do whatever it takes to keep them awake, including letting your oldest child shout at the top of his lungs in the car and make crazy faces. That 10 minute nap will result in bedtime 2 hours later, and a lot of hair pulling.

9.  Thou shalt not lick your fingers.  No matter how clean they are, or even if you know what you just ate.  TRUST ME on this one. Read: That’s not cheese

8.  Thou shalt exhaust all efforts in the search for the missing sippy cup or bottle. Need I say more? If you don’t find it by the end of the day, expect for the whole cup to be thrown in the garbage when it is found.  I’d rather buy a new one than smell that stench, and avoid gagging, while cleaning it out.

7.  Thou shalt not smell the laundry.  Unsure if its clean or dirty? Just assume its dirty.  Don’t try to sniff it to see if its dirty. Just wash and fold again.  Save yourself.  Soon enough there will be NO DOUBT on the dirtiness of their clothes (deodorant and BO!). Invest in Oxiclean, spray n’ wash, and extra hot water.

6. Thou shalt take everything in stride.  Parenting is not glamorous.  Some days it’s not even fun. Sometimes, we just have to take it in strides.  Family photos scheduled, and the 2-year-old just colored with permanent marker all over his body? Be thankful for Photoshop?? Leaving for vacation, and the baby gets sick? Be thankful for doctors and medicine.   I vividly remember getting barfed on repeatedly one night, and I just embraced the fact that I could easily clean my clothes, throw away the cheap rug in the bedroom, and my husband could call in sick.  Whatever parenthood throws at you, embrace it, take it in stride, and keep moving along!

5.  Thou shalt be prepared.  Going to the beach in July on a hot sunny day? Bring a sweatshirt. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from being a parent;  it to always be prepared.  One of your kids is going to get sick, or cold, because they got dumped into the ocean, bit by a crab, or some other outrageous thing happens.  Because, IT WILL HAPPEN.  I always have diapers and wipes in my purse, and the van, and the diaper bag, an extra set of clothes, pajamas, and other essentials (small in size), because I’ve always ended up needing something when we go out on an adventure.  AND the ONE TIME you don’t, you’ll end up with a naked baby at church, or shoe-less kids while shopping.  I will almost Guarantee it.

4. Thou shalt not compare. The struggle is real with this commandment.  Comparing yourself, your child, and even your parenting style to others is one of the worst things to do to yourself.  I personally feel that comparing only brings grief.  God gave your situation to YOU not someone else. God made YOU the parent of your child for a reason.  We are not all going to be the same type of parent.  Find your role, and own it.  Don’t try to be like someone else. Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to actually do.

3. Thou shalt not underestimate the power of silence.  This is serious.   Silence is wonderful when you have kids running around your house all the time.  There is great power in being able to think in silence for a few minutes.  There is also great power in the crayon that is being used oh so quietly on the wall in the other room.   Once It got really while I was doing dishes, I discovered my kids had locked themselves in my bedroom closet and were pulling clothes off the hangers. (Seriously! I can’t make this stuff up, I’m not that creative). Save the silence for when they are sleeping… until one falls out of the bed, and the other needs a drink, and the baby needs a diaper change… OK silence doesn’t really exist while kids are growing up. But the day we stop appreciating the noises and craziness and get used to the silence, is the day they will all be out of the house!

2. Thou shalt not expect the same for tomorrow. Kids are amazingly good at changing their minds.  What was once considered their favorite today, will in turn be their least favorite thing within a matter of days (sometimes minutes!). My oldest loves cheese, to the point that he would eat the whole Costco sized block of cheddar if I would let him, but the other day, he said “I don’t like cheese” on his breakfast sandwich I was making him… I give up.

1. Thou shalt LOVE THEM.  It will too soon be over.  They will grow up, and find loves of their own.  I never believed it when people said it went by so fast.  I understand now, and the boys are only 4 and younger.  I know it will go by fast and before I realize it they will be headed to college.

THIS is my crazy life! Its crazy, but it’s MINE and I am so grateful for that!

I {don’t} Cherish Every Moment

As a parent, other parents tell you all the time to “cherish every moment”.   I get it. TIME FLIES.   Your children are born one day, and the next day they are all grown up.   They grow so quickly.

I love being a mom! I love my children and I love watching my boys grow up.  Of course, I love them when they are babies- all cute and snuggly- but they are a lot more fun to play with when they can sit, and crawl, and recognize that you are actually playing with them. I love those moments.

But still, as a mom, I don’t cherish every moment.  Sometimes, being a parent just plain sucks, and can be really hard.

For example:

– Not sleeping- I love my sleep.  I am a happier person when I get more sleep.  I am a happier mom, and a nicer mom when everyone gets more sleep.  I don’t cherish the unending days of getting my hair pulled through the night, when the kids are up sick, or the 3am conversations with myself because I can’t sleep.   As a parent some days are so emotionally and physically exhausting, that the only thing that you can think of that will help is just to go to sleep.  Therefore, I don’t cherish not getting sleep. Right now, I cherish every single minute I do get sleep!

– Changing diapers- seriously, who actually enjoys this? When my kids are grown, I am not going to look back and say “I wish I would have gotten to change more diapers”. Potty trained children are much more fun to play with than one that poops their pants.  (just sayin’)

– Sickness-  Kids are always sick.  From fevers, to throw ups, skinned knees to growing pains, and teething… seeing your little ones sick or hurt is very hard for a parent.  I don’t cherish those moments when I’ve been puked on for the 3rd time in a row.  I just don’t.  I cherish the moments when my children are happy and healthy.  Granted, I’ve never had a seriously ill child, but I think, even if I did, I would cherish the moments when they aren’t in pain and we are together.

– Disciplining- no body likes to get in trouble.  No body really likes being the warden of the jail either.  Yeah the job might pay well, but you still have to deal with the bad guys.  I don’t enjoy disciplining my kids.  It devastates me to see them cry because they are in trouble. But its just something that’s gotta happen when they break the rules.  I’m trying to raise them to be respectful and decent men.  (Thankfully 2 minute time outs, and no chocolate milk are easy punishments, for moms and kids.)

I don’t cherish every moment of being a mom.  I just try to enjoy the moments I can, and embrace the others.  I love my boys with all my heart and soul.  I would do anything for them.  But I feel like in order for me to be the type of mother they need, I simply cannot cherish every moment, because I have to be present at every moment.  Does that make sense?  I try to embrace the good and the bad moments. Sometimes the moments are NOT glamorous whatsoever. Sometimes the moment you are in is full of rage or tears and you just have to endure those moments.  But I am thankful they are MY moments.  I’m eternally grateful that Heavenly Father is there to guide me through those moments, and has given me the charge to be a mother.

Parenting sucks sometimes, but sometimes that’s just the season you are in.  Parenting is what you are every single day.  I’m the youngest of 9 kids, and my parents still ‘parent’ us even though we are all grown with families of our own.  You don’t ever stop being a parent.  That in itself is a daunting task…but it’s worth it.

The moments I cherish, are the ones that sit with my heart so deeply.  Sometimes those moments are funny, sometimes, it’s as simple as seeing your oldest son give your youngest son a kiss goodnight. THOSE are the moments I cherish. I choose to cherish them because they are special, and important to me.  My heart does not have room to cherish every moment where I am picking boogies out of my kid’s nose, or cleaning their fingernails.

I know one day my boys will be grown men with families of their own. I won’t have a mine field of cars and blocks to avoid on my way down the hall.  I won’t have to tell them to get off each others heads or no baseball in the living room.  I know I will miss some of those moments, but I will be grateful I was there to share in their joy and their tears, that I embraced the moments of motherhood.

Happy Mother’s Day!

This is my crazy life, every day! But I am SO thankful its mine.

Hugs, Kisses, and Happy Words

It’s hard being a mother.  It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.  To go along with the task of simply being a mother, sometimes moms just have tough days.

On one random tough day, I got the best surprise, which, the phrase “Happy Words” was born.

Hurricane came gave me a hug, and said “I Love you”.  He called them his “Happy Words”, because when he says them that “makes me happy”.

My heart melted, my soul was rejuvinated, and I felt an extraordinary amount love from and for my family, and my Heavenly Father.  I knew that everything would be okay, even on the tough days.

I am so blessed to be a mother. It’s the hardest, but BEST thing in the world.  Knowing that my crazy kids love me, makes it all worth it.